There is something that is not normal, but it’s peaceful 

Maybe I am running from everything, may be I am standing alone in a dark long lane

I don’t exactly know what it is…

It all got changed :-

I’m not interactive now.

I don’t talk much 

I m filtering my friend circle

I don’t often receive calls 

I don’t socialize much

I leave people on seen

I don’t open texts msgs

I don’t entertain bullshits

I don’t fear ending up alone

I don’t fear being misunderstood

I am not seeking answers

I am not asking questions

I don’t care about what people will think about me

And whom I’m losing in this process 

I don’t laugh much

Maybe I make people laugh, but I am not happy

Neither do I have the energy to pretend or explain.

I stay normal around my family,

My colleagues, to the people I’m professionally related 

But I think I am getting very particular with my personal life.

I don’t want to say I am fine

If I’m not…

And I don’t want to lie or either laugh with people just to make them feel good around me.

So I avoid …

I avoid the outer circle I had

Now I am very- very specific with my inner circle

Like family, & some close friends

I was not like this.

And this doesn’t happen all of a sudden

I think I am losing a part of myself regularly

Day after Day…

And when I see back I realize a different person standing out

That looks like me, but not me.

But it feels like nothing is changing.

That the process is so very slow 

That I’m not able to analyze anything but I can feel the difference.

I was happy

Funny

Aggressive

Extrovert

I used to make people laugh

I had a big friend circle

Popular kid in school

Was into many activities 

But now

I can’t see myself near anything I was.

But I believe it’s normal and necessary 

For my personal growth

It’s for better 

Fewer people

Less chaos

-Apoorva Srivastava