To My Doppelganger

To the girl who used to be my best friend

The one without whom my life was incomplete, the one who made me forget my worries, the one who taught me to how to enjoy the present, the one who was a mother, a teacher and a companion especially when it felt like I had no one.

The one who was there in my every birthday plan, every New Year wish, every 2 AM conversation, be it about my dysfunctional family issues or my first breakup, she always had my back.

You made my life better just by being that one person who was there for me, no matter what. You were always there, be it for my 50 page assignment that we somehow managed to finish overnight or that crazy assessment of accounts, or the time when I just needed company to the washroom, yeah stupid me. You made it better by giving me a hug and not a lecture after my breakup. You were always there helping me, comforting me or by just being there.

You made my life so much better by pulling me and keeping me together when I was falling apart.

 I really thought you’ll be a sister to my spouse, cool aunt for my children and a crazy grandma to my grandchildren.

But we aren’t together anymore. Weird, huh!  That’s how unpredictable life is… Right?

I don’t know why. I’ve thought about it so many times, I still don’t know why we don’t share that bond anymore. Why you just left me, just… left me. It is so unclear.

Sometimes…

I scroll up to your profile, our old chats, old pictures, old notebooks and I smile like an idiot.

But somehow that smile would fade within moments and a weird sadness would take over.

They say that time heals everything, but I guess its one wrong saying. There’s this pain I have or maybe it’s just sadness, and nothing seems to heal it, no amount of time seems to work. Even after 7 years, the pain is as excruciating as it was.

So now I get to know that you are also working in Delhi. No, No, I don’t want to meet you, I don’t want to change anything between us.

Because I don’t want to change how I remember you, I don’t want to compromise my memories. These memories are not bound by social pressures, they need not be formal like we are.

I don’t even want to change that ending, the feelings and realizations I was bombarded with after you left me hanging.

A beautiful bond being ended on such a bad note was our fate, though your decision. And I respect your decision.

But I’m so disappointed. And I hate you for not trying to make things work. Not trying to have a single conversation or giving a chance for any kind of clarifications or at least letting me know what actually happened. You just left. 

I did what I thought a true friend should do. I tried.

You didn’t pick my calls. I waited for hours and you didn’t meet me.

Eventually, I had a mental breakdown, with all the anxiety and depression.

And you… You were still running away from me.

Do you think I deserved this?

I’m sure people have had their fair share of relationship breakups but trust me break up with a best friend is so much worse.

You were my only best friend

  I missed you then. I missed us. I missed your family; they were my family as well. Your house was my second home. And we had our own world.

It sucks because at 15, I legit thought that you are that friend who would still be my friend when I am 60. Maybe I was immature to assume that or maybe I loved you that much. Don’t know will never know.

I have lost many people in my life, but so far you are my greatest loss.

I don’t blame you. I don’t blame myself. It wasn’t easy but, I have forgiven you and forgiven myself.

Most of all thank you for making me understand how life works.

I did and I will always wish the best for you & your family.

Thank you for being a part of my life as long as we were “WE”.

On a happy note.

From –

The one who was once the world to you.

Your best friend.

Your soul sister.

Your Doppelganger

-Apoorva Srivastava

12 thoughts on “To My Doppelganger

      1. srijan.

        i really liked reading you! you seem quite sensitive!
        wishing you the best, apoorva! may you be blessed with all that you desire!

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s